I used to write flashbacks about the year in December. But usually, a lot would’ve happened. Good things, mostly.
But I can’t really say that about 2018. It was a really bad year for me.
I got sick in February. It started with pneumonia, then turned into mono. My low resistance gave way for everything from the past 26 years to come up and mess me up (or so the doctor explains). It all turned into extremely high stress and anxiety levels and even added depression.
I’m not even surprised about that last one. Not being able to travel, have a proper social life, and live on my own will make one depressed if that’s all you want. Add to it that I can’t even take the bus for longer than about 20 minutes before it overwhelms me (sensory overload). My brain works too slow for me to participate in traffic any faster than walking. I can’t really go to busy public places like restaurants, stores, or even parks when it’s busy.
But that’s going to change in 2019.
I’m working with a physical therapist to increase my physical health. I can go out for walks for about 40 minutes now, which is much better than not even being able to walk to the store and back (~15 minutes). My treatment with a psychiatrist starts next week.
I barely have any plans, I only have tickets for Dermot Kennedy’s concert in Utrecht at the end of May, and I was hoping to travel to the US for a couple of months in the fall (although that may be changed to another time or a shorter period).
But I also hope to be able to go for walks and increase that and work out at the gym a couple of times a week—actual workouts, not just some exercises. I want to travel before the fall. I can start with visiting friends around the country and turn that into longer travel periods.
I want to be able to take care of myself. Cook more, clean the house, do my make-up every once in a while. You know, stuff like that. And add more hours of work, from 20 hours to 30, 35 hours.
Anyway, to end on a more positive note, let’s see what good things DID happen in 2018:
- A weekend away in the Netherlands with my running group in February (the weekend before I got sick) and cheering them on in Rotterdam in April
- Found out who my real friends are and I’m so thankful to them
- Traveled to Bosnia, Italy, and Spain (and between the Netherlands and Hungary a couple of times)
- Took a holiday to Spain with one of my best friends
- Found a new job in April that I LOVE and can schedule around my health
- Monthly dinners with another one of my best friends
- Moving back home wasn’t the best thing, but it means I get to see my family and especially my nephew a lot more
And in 2019, I’m going to learn to stand up for myself and my limits. How to take care of myself. Many people say a burn-out or depression is the best thing that could’ve happened to them after they recover. I can’t wait for me to be at that point.