“But, Anxiety Is Only Mental”

I never knew anxiety and stress could have physical issues, except maybe fatigue.

We always learn they are mental issues, that can result from pressure at work, school, sports. And when it happens, just go to bed a little earlier, or plan a free weekend.

But I’ve learned. It can even come from friends, hobbies, family.

A while ago I wrote:

That means that my stress and anxiety are so high, that it makes me physically sick. I’ve been exhausted for months, and this week it was so bad, I thought I had the stomach flu.

Even last week, when I was on work-holiday, I got physically sick.

And why? For the most random reasons. Even for stuff that I was actually looking forward to!

I was on holiday with Ilse, and I spent my mornings working, my afternoons lying next to the pool with books, and the evenings going out for dinner.

On Tuesday afternoon while I was lying next to the pool, I got a little nauseous. The later it was, the worse it got. I couldn’t even go out for dinner.

After talking to Ilse and my mom, retracing what I’d done and talked about that day, and my plans for the next week, I thought maybe I was stressed and anxious about going to Amsterdam during the weekend to cheer on one of my best friends during her half marathon. So I canceled and felt fine the next morning.

On Wednesday, I got the same thing. And this time, I had no plans in the next weeks, except for the dentist and (physical) therapy.

We went out for dinner, I only had a salad and I didn’t even finish, and when we got back to the hotel, we booked the courtesy room for the next day. And about an hour later, I was fine.

This time, I didn’t throw up (thank God), but I was physically sick. I couldn’t even stand on my feet on Tuesday.

I get headaches, stomach cramps, weak muscles, dizziness, nausea. Sometimes I get so upset, I could just start crying. I lose my focus, sometimes I can’t even listen to someone telling me a story.

And a weekend off doesn’t help. Sleeping an hour (or two, or three) extra doesn’t help.

So hopefully these therapies will.


A ‘Thank You’ To My Friends

Ok, so when I wrote How to Tell Friends & Family You’re Actually Tired a while ago, I realize I wasn’t too… friendly about them.

While they don’t always understand, I do have to say that they are The Best—yes, they even deserve capital letters.

So I thought they deserved a thank you.

Because I’ve been sick since February, that’s over 8 months. And my friends still ask me to meet, to plan ahead, to come to events.

And while I have to decline most of the time, I’m very thankful they still ask me and think about me. It makes me feel more normal.

My friends in Budapest: Julika, Andrea, Paula, Matt, Kris, Lucas, Belle, Mór, András, and I bet I’m still forgetting some. (Sorry guys, you know it happens.) Thank you for asking me out, for coming to the doctor with me, for coming to hang out at my house even though it was way out of the city center.

Ilse, Niki, Esther, and Sander, thank you for still asking to meet, even if it’s only a short dinner or bookstore visit. Thank you for the way you respond when I have to cancel last minute, or when I can’t confirm anything ahead of time. Thank you for slowing down with me.

Stacey, thank you for being so patient when traveling and living with me. Thank you for taking care of me, for adjusting our plans, for not complaining when I can’t do something you really wanted to (even if you’re probably thinking it).

I seriously love you guys.


I did it!

I said I was going to blog more, and once again I disappeared.

In short: after my last update where I told you I hadn’t been feeling so well, I started working fulltime again. I couldn’t handle it, so I went on sick leave for two weeks. Then I went back to work for a week, came to the Netherland for a week holiday, and went back to work. And now?

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My next chapter

I haven’t blogged in so long and I hate it. In the past months, the urge to write a (personal) blog (or ten) kept coming up, so here I am.

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Van 2016 naar 2017

Happy new year! Toen was er alweer een jaar voorbij. Ik heb niet veel geblogd, maar wel veel gedaan. Ik sluit het jaar dan ook niet af zonder een jaaroverzicht (ook al is ‘ie een beetje laat)! Een paar kernwoorden voor dit jaar? Hardlopen, reizen en uitdagingen!

Mijn jaaroverzicht van vorig jaar én de doelen die ik stelde voor dit jaar kun je hier vinden. Hoe het met die doelen is gegaan? Lees snel verder!

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